New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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