I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
