my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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