did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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