my vag is so smooth its legendary
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
