dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
