everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
