i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So. Much. Porn.
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