But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
