trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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