I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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