HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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