Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
