i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
