I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Never underestimate the power of titties
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
