I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
