also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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