if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
