This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
