She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
