she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
