i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
