we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
