I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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