I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
