Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
