I can tuck mytits in my pants
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
