Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
