Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
