I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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