He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
