just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
