Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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