Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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