she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
