Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
