i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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