how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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