I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When did angry sex become our thing?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
