Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
