**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We named our party play list daddy issues
is wine microwaveable?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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