i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
