Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
