We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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