I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
