I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
