When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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