I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
