I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You ruined the universe
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
