He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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