cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
