are you still at the devil's house?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
