yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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