SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
