fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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