gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We need to get me chipped asap
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
